Villains on Vacation
by Jen Rock
Summary: Even supervillains need to take a break now and then. A series of drabbles about the Batman Rogues on vacation.
1. Chapter 1

These are a series of drabbles about various Batman villains going on vacation. Each one is meant to be a stand-alone chapter although they are linked by their common themes. Joker's is a double drabble because he just can't be contained in one hundred words. Enjoy.

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The Joker had decided he needed to share his genius with the world. Gotham was just too small to contain the sort of ideas he'd been getting lately. The city was just going to have to endure without him for a few weeks.

But where to go? He wandered around the lair poking at various objects as he waited for the proper inspiration. His eyes fell on one of Harley's gossip magazines with Prince William on the cover. Absentmindedly, Joker picked it up and carried it around with him as he paced. With a purple marker, he drew horns, eyeglasses, facial hair, and an exaggerated smile over the prince's handsome face. Realization hit him like one of Batman's fists.

It was perfect! He hadn't been to England in a while and he remembered it as a dull place. Those stodgy, dentally-challenged, Britons needed his unique charms to show them how to lighten up.

"Harley! Pack the bags! We're going on a trip." He'd have to be sure to pack his best suit. It wouldn't do to greet the royal family in anything less. The Queen was going to look so much better with a nice, big smile on her face.


	2. Chapter 2

Harley had been happy to hear they were going on vacation but she was hoping for someplace romantic and London didn't meet her criteria. But if that was where Mister J's talents were needed, then that was where they'd go. Maybe she could snag some treasure while they were there. Nothing too gaudy, just some crowns and some jewels. And a scepter, and thrones and their own castle. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. With only a moment's regret, she put aside the bikini she'd hoped to wear and banished all thought of sandy beaches from her mind.


	3. Chapter 3

Jervis Tetch sat in his cell and stared at the scenes playing out before him. The walrus and the carpenter paced over the sandy beach searching for little clams. A white rabbit hurried past him, checking its pocket watch and tutting over its own lateness. Alice sat down next to him and offered him tea which he graciously accepted. As she put her head on his shoulder, he knew there was nowhere else he wanted to be. Blissful, in his drug-induced stupor, he left Arkham behind and joined the endless dance in Wonderland. Gotham was only a bad fading dream.


	4. Chapter 4

Two-Face stared at the list with a growing sense of annoyance. He was planning a little trip out of town but there were so many possibilities. Twinsville, Ohio or Twin Falls, Idaho? The twin cities of St. Louis and Kansas City or the twin cities of Keystone and Central City? He'd have to flip a coin to decide between each choice but first he had to find out if he was going on vacation. Deftly, he caught the spinning coin in his hand and glared at the scarred side facing up. Travel would have to wait for the next flip.


	5. Chapter 5

Poison Ivy luxuriated in the feeling of being surrounded by nothing but plants for miles around. Here, in the heart of what was left of the Amazon rainforest, she felt truly at peace. Sometimes, Gotham became too much for her and she needed to plant her feet in more inviting surroundings. The foliage all bent their leaves towards her, their goddess. There were no useless humans to intrude on her peace. Some day, she would succeed in making Gotham as green as this place but until then, she'd just have to enjoy these occasional visits to her very own cathedral.


	6. Chapter 6

Jonathan Crane studied the world map in front of him. Gotham was becoming tiresome and he'd decided to take a working vacation but where to go? Transylvania was too predictable. He wanted to find someplace unexpected and accessible. There were plenty of countries where the citizens tended to live in fear but where was the challenge? An idea occurred to him and he tapped the map with a slender finger. Of course! Where better to spread fear than in the "Happiest Place on Earth?" He heard Florida was lovely this time of year. Scarecrow could hear the screams all ready.


	7. Chapter 7

Oswald Cobblepot leaned forward in his chair and let sunlight hit his face. His umbrella was set at an angle that left him largely in shadow. He tended to burn rather than tan and it wouldn't do to return to the Iceberg Lounge looking more like a lobster than a penguin. It bothered him to be away from his club for too long but he needed time to unwind. His underlings could hold down the fort for one week. Sipping from his fruity drink, he twirled the little paper umbrella between his thick fingers and was thankful for private beaches.


	8. Chapter 8

Basil Karlo strolled the beach, enjoying all the attention he was getting. It wasn't surprising considering he currently looked like a model with a perfect body. The crowds wouldn't be quite so admiring if he took on his real appearance. It was a sham but when he'd been an actor, there had been plenty of admirers who were only in love with the idea of him and not his true self. At least for now, he was able to enjoy a break from being Clayface even if it was as much of a lie as any of his other roles.


	9. Chapter 9

The frigid winds blew swirls of glittering snowflakes around the pale form of Victor Fries. Without his suit, he walked through the wastelands of the Arctic and felt himself wanting to stay here forever. Out here, there was nothing to remind him of everything he'd lost. He could walk around like a normal man and pretend that his Nora was beside him. She would shiver in the cold and he would offer her his heavy jacket. They would share a loving glance and then stroll off together, hand-in-hand, and leave everyone else behind. Gotham could burn for all he cared.


	10. Chapter 10

Garfield Lynns lay concealed among boulders as he watched the valley below. Fire roared among the thick brush, consuming everything in its path. Random sparks danced among the higher trees, igniting smaller fires that soon merged with the main one to drive the flames even higher. He saw animals fleeing but there were no human settlements anywhere nearby. It was unlikely anyone would come here to battle the fire and spoil his enjoyment. He was safe up here. The slopes below him were barren rock so he was free to watch the spectacle in rapture. How he loved wildfire season.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: This is actually a drabble and a half. Trust Riddler to have to be difficult to contain in the normal amount of words;)

There was nothing like the sea air to clear one's head. Edward Nigma stood at the prow of the cruise ship, facing out to sea. The gray clouds overhead threatened rain but for now it was only the ocean spray that dappled his green suit with moisture. A stiff breeze made him clutch his bowler hat to his head to avoid losing it. The wind and waves failed to hide the approach of a familiar tread behind him. Even now, reformed and law-abiding, he wasn't trusted.

"I'm sure you have something suitably threatening to say but I don't want to hear it. I'm on vacation." There was no answer behind him so he sighed and turned the face the Dark Knight. The vigilante's cape was wrapped around him but the edges fluttered in the breeze. Edward shook his head mockingly. "NO ACT ON VIA. You should try it sometime."


	12. Chapter 12

Batman stood on a rooftop staring out over his city. It had been a tiring week. He'd had his hands full stopping the Rogues all over the world. It had been a close call but he'd managed to stop the Joker and Harley from using Joker Venom on every member of the British royal family. He'd apprehended Scarecrow after the supervillain had gassed the noon parade at Disney World but administering the antidote to fear-gassed costume figures had proved harder than it sounded. An errant thought struck him before his disciplined mind could fully suppress it.

"I need a vacation."


End file.
